I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
