I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Couch. On fire.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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