Screwed.edu
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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