Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My vagina is very pro this idea
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
