Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
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YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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