soooo we both peed the bed last night...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
