everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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