I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
my poor anus
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
