U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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