You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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