I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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