hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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