Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This baby is an asshole
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
