I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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