i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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