ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
