you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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