I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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