i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
