Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
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I think I sprained my soul last night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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