It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
