So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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