We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
