his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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