tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
