meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
