I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
