Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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