So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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