Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
