thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
