Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
