at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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