I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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