I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
