where does the pee come out of this thing
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
