The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
