oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
