brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
