Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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