I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Still dying that you shit outside
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here