and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
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THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.