hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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