i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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