I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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