dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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