and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
