Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
be right there i have to get my cape
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
