Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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