I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
