john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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