Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
