Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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