i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
