ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
