Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
