Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
