I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize