i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
