Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
