I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
