im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
