Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You were trust falling into bushes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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