You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
