If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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