And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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