i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think people are normalizing furries
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
