so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
