When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
