You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
