Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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