dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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