you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
