if you like me you must not know who I am
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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