So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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